


Her Red Tresses Streamed like Streams of Fire

by Anonymous



Category: Original Work
Genre: Crack, Extremely Bad Accents, F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 09:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22967752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Cassandra's characters are not happy with how she's written them—especially the sex scenes.
Relationships: Book Author/Her Characters Come to Life
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15
Collections: Anonymous, Writing Rainbow Red





	Her Red Tresses Streamed like Streams of Fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flipflop_diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/gifts).



The women laughed as Cassandra struggled with the ropes tying her to the bed. She was totally naked and vulnerable before these mocking strangers. "Aye, look at her," the tall, thin redhead said in a thick Irish accent, "trussed up like a holiday turkey."

"Couldn't ya have picked a partic'ler holiday?" the short, fat blonde said, rolling her eyes at Cassandra. Her Southern accent had a lot of Western in it. "Is it a Christmas turkey? A Thanksgiving turkey?"

"W-what?"

" _Her Lover's Savage Passion_ ," the blonde said. "Page 194."

Cassandra recognized the title of her fourth novel, of course, but how was she supposed to remember what was on page 194? She tugged on the ropes again but there was no way for her to get free. Tears welled in her eyes.

"Och," the redhead said. Maybe she was Scottish? "Noo she'll weep a faucet o' feeling."

Cassandra winced. That line, infamous among both her fans and her haters, was from her first novel, _The Passion They Shared_. She liked to think she'd learned a few things since then.

"I don't understand what's going on," she said, "but if you're just... disgruntled fans or something—"

"Dinna ye ken who we are?" the redhead said. She tossed her long hair. "Wi' me red tresses that stream like streams of fire? Me luscious lips that purse and pout? Me completely feckin' egregious accent that canna decide which country I'm feckin' from?"

Cassandra's eyes widened. (And here all this time she'd thought "her eyes widened" was just a figure of speech.) "Mickie McMartin?" she whispered.

"And Sunny Sommers," the blonde said, waving. "Was yer copyeditor on vacation that week or did they give up after the a-umpteenth alliteration?"

"But you're not real!" Cassandra cried. "I made you up!"

"Aye," Mickie said, settling down on the end of the bed. "'Tis that what we're here aboot."

"Ya made us up _badly_." Sunny was pacing around the room. Cassandra remembered looking down a list of character traits and deciding that Sunny would pace and fidget. It was disorienting to see it in person.

"'Tis not just the prose," Mickie said. "To be blunt, 'tis the sex scenes. Oh, they're terrible."

" _Terrible_ ," Sunny said. "Even leavin' aside the part where ya cain't seem to write a fat woman havin' sex without usin' the word 'jiggled' in every other paragraph. In mah first sex scene ya forgot to give me an orgasm! Ya literally forgot about me in a book called _Can't Forget About Her_!"

Cassandra shook her head. "That can't be right," she said. "My female characters always have orgasms."

"Nope," Sunny said. She took the book off Cassandra's boast shelf and flipped through it. "Jim goes down on me, Ah gasp and shudder, and then he sticks it in." She slammed the book shut. "Gaspin' and shudderin' is _not_ an orgasm."

"Oh," Cassandra said weakly. "It's... not?"

The two women stared at her. Mickie's expression softened a bit. "Oh, lassie," she said.

"Cassandra," Sunny said. "Have ya ever _had_ an orgasm?"

"I." She swallowed. "I _thought_ I had."

Mickie and Sunny looked at each other for a long moment. Then Mickie drew a knife from her boot-top and cut the ropes. Cassandra rubbed her wrists, confused but glad to be free.

"We was gonna punish you," Sunny said, "but Ah think some education will do more favors for yer future characters."

"Lie back," Mickie said, stroking a gentle hand down Cassandra's thigh. Her lips twitched in a suppressed smile. "And dinna fash yersel'."


End file.
